Hey readers!
I've been a little under the weather since the weekend which has left me with no motivation to write anything. But! While at home one night with just a humidifier, good music from the past and my emotions over the past couple of days I was able to finish a piece that I been working on since early Spring. It began with just words in my head about someone who I cared deeply for for such a long time. I was over the moon for this person. He had my mind, body and soul and all I wanted from him was these things in return, but I don't think that was the case. A big part of me believed he did for the longest time, maybe he was just afraid to reciprocate my feelings. He gave me emotions that I haven't felt for anyone to this day. I guess you could say that I loved him. He was my first for a lot of things and I suppose that's why I fell so hard. Well, it's been five years since we met and maybe a year since we've spoken last. I saw him a couple months ago at a bar with someone else I knew and he had his arm around him. Needless to say, those feelings I thought I had risen above sucked me back in again. I was crushed at the sight of him with someone else. I suddenly felt like that sixteen year old all over again wanting to believe that maybe he'd somehow want me the way I wanted him.
When I began writing this poem I was heartbroken, but then it started to bask in the memories of our past. They felt good to feel again and then just like that, it transformed into a goodbye letter to him of some sort. Full of love in my heart and respect for the time we had been given I ended it thanking the heavens for blessing me with love. And so, I give you a poem not full of heartache, because to me, that would mean I resented him. I don't. I thank him for all the beautiful feelings he gave me. A big part of me will always love him, but not want him like I used to.
"Brown Eyes"
Brown eyes, you never saw the signs.
I have tried so many times for you to see me standing right in front of you.
You were a gypsy soul always on the go while I sat and waited for you.
Brown eyes, sometimes I get lost inside the memories. They're all that's left
of me.
I can still feel that Summer air, me running my fingers through your hair. Look
at me like you did before while holding me up against your red car door.
Making plans to run away under moon beams. Stuck in a love sick fantasy where nothing
is as it seems.
Kiss me like when we first met. A peck on the lips so I wouldn't forget.
My midnight rendezvous, fogging up a window or two. Taking my heart along with you.
Lying beside you while you would look away, but I could stay with you every day.
You brought me butterflies. You brought me bliss. There is nothing I want more than
this.
When I look back at my life gone by. What I remember most are those brown eyes <3
Xoxo.
B.
