E-X-P-R-E-S-S.

"Been holding back for quite some time and finally the moment's right. I love to make the people to stare. They know I got that certain savoir faire."

I'm really looking forward to 2012. I plan on taking a lot of risks and not thinking twice about them. If I think it, I want to act on it. I've always expressed myself in lots of artistic ways and now I want to start expressing myself in other ways. It's time that I start using all the wonderful gifts that have been bestowed upon me and through them I will use a voice bigger than I ever thought could ever exist. That will be my theme for the new year and I encourage all of you to express yourselves in whatever way makes you happy. Out with the old and in with the new!

See you guys in 2012 ;) <3

Xoxo.
B.

G St: Chapter Two "Night At The Bluestone" (Sneak Peek #2)

Another sneak peek for you guys ^_^

"“Hey, hey, hey, a bar doesn’t watch itself. Somebody’s got to pour drinks for all these lovely people.” He said in defense. “No excuse,” I told him, “Eastway can go sober for one night. Besides, you spend so much time here that I almost forget what you look like sometimes.” I joked. He laughed and said, “So what’ll it be Mr. Twenty-One? What will be your first legal drink here at The Bluestone Lounge?” I paused to think about this, everyone leaning in a bit waiting for my answer, and then it hit me. “I’ll have a Long Island Ice Tea, please.”

            “Good choice.” Praised Leo; “Long Islands are the new Appletini’s.” He nodded proudly and I didn’t even question if that made sense or not. “Alright, Long Island it is. I’ll be right back with those drinks for you guys.” Alex walked away and I sifted through the bowl of peanuts looking for the cashews.

            We stayed till last call then our little group began breaking up and heading home. I was the last one to leave. The bar was quiet with only the sounds from the conversation of a few bar stragglers sipping slowly on their last drink of the evening. While the gang went their separate ways I stayed a bit longer. There was something about The Bluestone that felt comfortable. I moved to a window seat and looked up at the night sky. Living in the city, you can’t see the stars, but the light of the moon always seems to shine brighter than all the streetlights. . . ."

It can go anywhere at this point and I have butterflies just thinking about it lol. 

Stay tuned!

Xoxo.

B. 

G St: Chapter Two "Night At The Bluestone" (Sneak Peek)

Good news! I'm in the process of writing a Chapter 2 of my fictional series "G St."! Here's a sneak peek of what I'm working on. In this sample Freddy and his friends head to their favorite bar. We flash back to a memory of how they came to know "The Bluestone Lounge."

"We had discovered The Bluestone one night while walking in downtown Eastway. We had somehow taken a wrong turn from this hole in the wall restaurant and ended up at the doorstep of a bar with steps that led down to a door with a neon sign that read: “The Bluestone Lounge” Being the naturally curious group we were we entered in slowly and discovered a room full of men and women sipping cocktails in soft lighting. “Well, this doesn’t look so bad.” Leo said as he took a look around. And just like that, we had found our new favorite bar. “I like this way better than that sports bar we were going to,” chimed in Patrick. “Yeah, why were we going there in the first place?” Lila asked as she flagged down the waitress. “Well,” I said, “They didn’t card and dollar beer drafts on Thursdays.” The three of them nodded in unison and we proceeded to toast to the new bar we had discovered. Oh, how little things have changed."

I'm having so much fun writing Chapter 2 ^_^ I can't wait to finish it and share it with you guys! 

Xoxo.

B.

The Road To A The Comeback.

Hey everyone! 

I hope that the holidays are treating everyone well and you all have got your Xmas cards sealed and stamped, even if you're like me who's not really into the whole "holiday cheer" aspect of it. I am however, a sucker for mailing out cards ^_^

There is a wonderful fog that has rolled in on our peaceful little town tonight and I just feel like taking a moment to bring some light back into my blog. So I thought I'd take a break from worrying about my everyday life and Clarisonic sales to kind of get back down to a personal level with the ones who give me a reason to keep posting: You guys, the readers. 

People are a big inspiration to me. Our behaviors and how we treat each other in different social settings fascinate me. Most of the time, I'm perfectly content just sitting in the background watching everybody interact with one another. The body language we give and the words we speak can be two different things. Our words say one thing, but our bodies can be having a completely different conversation and we may not even notice it half the time. We all have a story, we all have a path that we have walked down that made us who we are today. It may be filled with memories or moments that we wish we could retrace our steps to, I know I almost on a daily basis slap myself on the forehead and say, "What was I thinking?!" but I also have found a lot of happiness along the way too. The beauty of life is that there are really no limitations to what you want to do or who you want to be. There are only limitations if you put them there. And that's what I write about; people, because I believe that we are all connected. We have all felt the same things at one point in our lives. It's our hearts that bind us together so it's amazing that we can be so divided sometimes. 

I have to thank one website that has helped me in more ways than one: chadzboyz.com, during my own personal coming out journey about five years ago. I needed answers to questions and longed to find other people who might be able to relate what I was going through.  It provided a positive community to be who you are without judgment or prejudice. It gave me the confidence to come out without fear because I knew there was a place where people like me could be free. Now older and fully comfortable with my sexuality, I was honored by them when they allowed my blog to be featured on their website. It was a humbling moment in my life as a young member of the LGBT. I felt like this my chance to give back to something that gave something to me: freedom. 

Last but not least, my friends both near and far. You guys support me in everything I do and I don’t know what I’d do without all your love and support <3 I wish I could see more of each of you but I know that going down our own life's path means spending time in them. I love all of you :)

So whether you stumbled upon it or saw the link I posted on my Facebook profile, I thank you! 

Happy Holidays and Merry Xmas! 

Xoxo.

B.

Silver and Gold.

Here we are on the home stretch of 2011. I can honestly say that this has been the most difficult year I’ve ever had to learn from. I didn’t have the option of having layers being gently peeled off; I got myself cracked open to my core and had it exposed for the world to see. Recently, I wrote a poem called “Broken In Two” to express how I’ve been feeling for the past few months. I’m coming out of that dark place in great strides, but I needed to release those feelings and writing a poem seemed the perfect way to do it. Well, there was a reason behind it.

            Back in November I was diagnosed with panic disorder. Nothing else seemed to matter in my world. All I could think about was when the next panic attack would hit. I would do perfectly fine during the day. I kept busy and stayed positive as best I could, but then the night would come and I knew I would have to be alone with nothing to protect me. The thought of being alone in the dark frightened me. I would sleep with my bathroom light on just so I knew that the shadows that lingered couldn’t touch or taunt me. I felt like this was Karma punishing me for something I did in a past life or even in my current one, and I would cry myself to sleep because I had no strength to fight it. It was consuming me from the inside out and I felt powerless. Horrible thoughts passed through my head. I needed relief and I was willing to risk my life to get it. Although the thoughts did pass through I knew in my heart of hearts I’d never go through with it. I thought about all the people I would be hurting if I did.

What a lot of people don’t know about me is that I need them more than they need me. The relationships I create with people are important and special to me. I need that human connection to survive. I think we all do. It’s nice having people who are happy to see you every time you come around. I have a lot of those people in my life and somehow I forgot about them. I was so wrapped up in my sinking ship I even lost myself a bit. I would look in the mirror every day and wonder who the person was staring back. It got to the point to where I couldn’t even look in the mirror. That wasn’t me and I refused to look at an illusion.

I’ve since started seeing a counselor and it’s really helping me deal with the issues at hand despite my hesitance at first. It has really opened to eyes and even given me some insight to the madness that I call my mind.

I’ve learned a lot these past few months. I learned that I’m not as strong as I thought I was. I learned that it’s OK to ask for help and I learned that the silver lining is much easier to see when you treat yourself like gold. Someday when I look back on this in twenty years I’ll referrer to this as “The Dark Time” but for now I’ll just call it recovery.