"Sin"gle

When you live in no man’s land a guy can get kind of discouraged that he won’t find someone else who understands us. It wasn’t until after turning twenty-three that I realized I’m officially at that age where people have become repetitive with their response to my relationship status: “It’ll happen one day”, “You’re just too picky” or my personal favorite, “God is still working on you so you can find a great woman”. What they don’t want to hear is that it might not never happen, I’m not picky I’m realistic and I’m agnostic. Are the odds against me? You bet my flat ass they are! But I’m more than just a single gay man. I am on a journey with my work, my explorations and a few sad stories. I am on a quest for truth, beauty and quiet joy. I am an artist, a writer, an explorer. In my four years in my own personal party of one I have had the chance to learn a few things about myself, men and relationships. Such lessons as:

            The only thing we have to fear . . . is a desperate man.

            Again, when pickings are slim one should always give any potential bachelor a shot. So when I had the chance of getting to know a twenty-five year old named Randy I kept Carrie Underwood’s words close; “I’ll give anyone a shot once”, Sadly, after knowing each other for three weeks he told me he loved me. Saying something like that too early when you haven’t even begun dating someone that long is a deal breaker for me. His e-mails are currently on my spam list.

            Older is not always better.

            I thought I’d try my hand at an older man. Mr. S found me sweet and sexy and always made a point to tell me. We never did anything physical but I did bathe in his compliments daily. I just wasn’t attracted to him as much as he was to me, and no amount of gifts he offered to buy me could change that.

            Third time’s the charm.

            When I first heard a co-worker tell me, “you should meet my friend. I think you guys would hit it off” I immediately told myself no. I don’t know if I’m ready to be set up blindly just yet. Especially when I heard he was majoring in music at ENMU. Just because I’m gay does not mean I’m interested in every guy involved in musical theater. I’ve already been there and done that two other times before and I don’t want to be pegged as someone with a specific “type”. But I’ll keep you posted on that one.

            Tops are from Mars, Bottoms are from Venus. Whatever side you swing, we both enjoy penis.

            I used to think that casual hookups were for the promiscuously deranged. Why would you want to give your body to someone you’ve barely met? The thought of potential diseases that could come from an encounter with a stranger had put me off of the idea for years. But like so many prudes before me I decided to throw caution to the wind and my legs in the air! Not literally; I’m not that flexible, but I have learned that it’s ok to indulge in some carnal urges every now and then. As long as you play SAFE! No glove, no love!

            The Winter Boyfriend.

            I think there is a difference between dating men and dating boys. Don’t worry; I don’t plan on being one of those Facebook memes rambling about wedding rings and swag. I did, however, experiment with the concept of “The Winter Boyfriend”. A WB is a guy that you casually date during the coldest months of the year. You don’t see yourself taking it anywhere long term but you can take it underneath the covers for warm cuddles. I had met Drew; a college freshman and figured this was the perfect chance to try this out. Let me just say that what he lacked in conversation his body made up for in years of playing football. Oh, me-oh-my-oh! We had a brief December/February romance before we realized we had nothing in common and parted ways.

            S-I-N-G-L-E.

            Yes, that blasted label that makes us yearn for just about any other label, maybe perhaps ‘Gucci’ or hell, we might even settle for a scarlet letter. But for those of us who have yet to find someone who’ll put up with all our crazy OCD habits, weird laughs or even our lack of cooking skills, let me leave you with this:

            1. Yes, we’re only one person, but that doesn’t mean that we are completely alone. I’m not going to sit here and try and shove bullshit clichés down your throat. Even as singles we are part of a large number of people who feel the same way every day.

            2. Not having kids in your twenties is awesome! And I’m speaking from experience. As for my young parents who are kicking ass while putting your bratty kid in time out I tip my hat off to you because you are doing something that I have no strength, patience or amount of wine to do.

            3. Don’t rely on your friends for dates. There’s a reason why they didn’t date them either.  

            4. Bars aren’t for everyone. I personally don’t like to eat where I drink, but I’m hearing great things about online dating, so if you are so inclined and at the end of your rope; stop the fussing and upload a profile picture that displays your true, sexy self.

            And finally, know yourself FIRST. How can you expect to have a man please every area of your life if YOU don’t even know what pleases you? I’m talking physically, sexually, spiritually and, if you’re lucky, JEWLERY. But most of all have fun and don’t spend so much energy worrying about it. In the words of one of my closest friends: “Instead of claiming the idea that you’ll be alone forever, don’t.”

            Sound simple enough. I just might put that theory to the test!