Catching Up.

I planned on posting a bunch of things back in November. I wrote tirelessly to try and finish it all but I never was one to force something. I like my work to fill me up to the point to where I have to drop whatever I’m doing and write it down because that’s the hook I was looking for! *sigh* what a rush! I had Thanksgiving and scrambling to make rent to keep me occupied till then. . . . .

It’s a quiet evening tonight as I lie here in bed surrounded by scattered clothes, unpacked boxes from six or seven months ago when I first moved in and books that sleep with me that I take time to read whenever I get in one of my moods. A cold front recently moved in replacing the eighty degree weather that had become a big part of this winter season. Finally! A chance to wear the new cardigans I bought J I pay no mind to my sister calling me “Mr. Rogers” whenever she sees me. I’m sorry, but I’ve been painfully patient for a time to wear them all year! Fashion aside, winter might not be my favorite of the four seasons, but I do enjoy the quiet nights for movies and family time.

It’s these in between moments that I enjoy most. It's a pleasant feeling actually like a warm embrace from an old friend or a tender kiss from a lover. That in between time where most of us plan our next day, but I like to be alone in my world and think about where I am as the afternoon casts its light through the trees outside my door.

A lot of other changes are on their way to me as I continue with this new phase of life; my soul tells me that these changes happened for a reason and I don't argue when it's the soul who has the last word. The fear is there, it has to be there. I'm not psychic and I can't predict the future but I also have a new found courage that I discovered as I realized that yes, the possibility that I could lose everything I have might happen. But everything I have ever wanted is just on the other side of the rainbow and no matter what happens in the next year, I know I’ll be strong enough to survive it.

As a chameleon who thinks that I might have a severe case of creative A.D.D., I have decided to once again to reinvent myself creatively and take some time to continue with my life’s work. It’s funny; I have spent the last six years of my life trying to find my purpose here in this life.

As one of my all time idols, Nelly Furtado once sang, “I have lived so many lives, though I’m not old. . .” I have been so many different people in all those six years and I still feel like a different person every day. The things I thought or said yesterday feel like I say or thought them for the first time every day. And through it all I have always worn my heart on my sleeve for the entire world to see. No matter if I was breaking at the cracks or ascending to greater heights, I always made it a point to be honest with people and speak my truth through all my creative outlets: writing in this blog, my own personal journal, letting my body language speak for me when I don’t feel like speaking to anyone, taking pictures with a crazy or random theme, writing poetry or spending hours online looking up vocal techniques, watching videos of live performances from my favorite artists and also researching new artists/groups I have come across.

And that’s it, my life’s work: Truth, beauty, life, love, music and expression. It’s my bohemian lot in life to dedicate myself to my art. When I grow up I’d like to accomplish a few things: 1. Get published (one work of fiction, a work of poetry, and my memoir) 2. Perform for people all my favorite genres of music 3. Have a garden of lavender. Not very long list but I like the way it looks so far ^_^

I look forward to 2013 and all the gifts it has to offer. And you don’t need a Christmas tree for those ;) lol.

Happy Holidays to you and yours <3

Xoxo,

B.