Letters You'll Never Read.

Hey Readers!

I've been out of town and I guess you can say out of touch. I was kind of down in the dumps as a result of a broken heart. I've had them before but this one had to be the most tremendous pain I had ever experienced
Remember the post "Brown Eyes"? While those words came from a place of love, I also didn't expect that those words would result in me telling this person how I felt. He was surprised by it but didn't say anything after that. I then met him under the cloak of night like we used to and we spent the night together. Afterwards, we sat on his porch talking about the old days and then he hugged me goodbye. I haven't heard from him since. I even wrote him a letter the next day about how I felt, but it was just something I'd tuck in my drawer and someday look back on. And maybe even show him if I felt the time was right. I talked it over with a friend who pointed out that I was merely a rebound every time he was in between relationships (he'd recently broken up with someone when we met up). I didn't want to believe it but it all started to come together. I was smacked in the face with five years of reality. DUH, B! Why don't you think he ever made a move??? I was destroyed.

While I was out of town I sipping on red wine, surrounded by a beautiful mountain scenery at sunset and I was re-hashing my hurt feelings and as a result, I wrote something that did not come from a place of love lol. I'll say it, I was mad as HELL haha. I found it to be very therapeutic though. This piece is really raw, unpolished and imperfect. I think that it perfectly describes the situation and how I was feeling:

"Letters You'll Never Read."

"Don't know why I thought you'd bring
the light into my life when you'd
always leave me in the dark.

You never said what was on your mind.
You just put cracks in my heart.

'What We're We Thinking' would play
on repeat. Alone at night in my bed
wondering when you'll see.

It was a painful reminder of you and
me. Your charming smile, your
enchanting ways blinded me foolishly.

But then I woke up and saw that I was
just a phase. A rebound fuck who
couldn't get enough. All these years,
you confirmed my greatest fears.

My emotions you played but one of
these days you will see how much better
you should have treated me.

Jilted and screaming I cried on the
kitchen floor. I threw books across the
room and tore up the letters I wrote.

The shreds just lied there silent and dead
I knew you'd never read them so what's the
point anyway?

I cut my hair but you won't care.
You took a part of me how's that
fair? Take the memories they're
no use to me. Take them all. . . ."


Xoxo.
B.

Still working on a new "G. St" and maybe a new original blog :)

<3


("What We're We Thinking" by Joss Stone is the mentioned song in this post. It had a different meaning to me then and it does now. I actually understand it and feel it this time.)